We partnered with “Weird Al” to create this music video for his new album, “Mandatory Fun.” Also featuring Patton Oswalt, Tom Lennon, and Robert Ben Garant.
“Weird Al” Yankovic’s new album Mandatory Fun out now: http://smarturl.it/MandatoryFun
See more http://www.collegehumor.com
LIKE us on: http://www.facebook.com/collegehumor
FOLLOW us on: http://www.twitter.com/collegehumor
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Cast
Cooking Show Host “Weird Al” Yankovic
Stage Manager Patton Oswalt
CIA Agent Thomas Lennon
CIA Agent Ben Garant
Cameraman 1 Will McLaughlin
Cameraman 2 Mike Still
Backup Singer Kathryn Burns
Backup Singer Elaine Carroll
Backup Singer Andree Vermuelen
Waiter Jose Perales
Stand In (Patton Oswalt) John Medrano
Boom Op Nick Mundy
Clapper David Futernick
Restaurant Patron David Chernavsky
Restaurant Patron Nicole Cleaveland
Restaurant Patron Ify Nwadiwe
Restaurant Patron Greg Stees
Restaurant Patron Kenny Sharman
Restaurant Patron Ray Timmons
Restaurant Patron Yanick Thomassaint
Crew
Position Name
Director Al Yankovic
Writer Al Yankovic
Producer Jon Wolf
Cinematography Clyde Smith
Editor Al Yankovic
Big Breakfast President of Original Content Sam Reich
Big Breakfast VP of Production/ Executive Producer Spencer Griffin
Director of Production Sam Sparks
Director of Post Production Michael Schaubach
Production Manager Sam Kirkpatrick
Casting Director Chrissy Fiorilli-Ellington
Production Designer Dan Butts
Costume Designer Leah Piehl
Lead Hair and Makeup Sean James
HMU Asst Diana Barton
HMU Asst Kaho Chan
HMU Asst Cassie Lyons-Marquez
Script Supervisor Carly Romberg
Production Coordinator Michele Santoro
1st Assistant Director Matt McKinnon
2nd Assistant Director Harrison Woliner
Art Department Coordinator Pamela Barba
Set Decorator Laura Harper
On Set Jon Boyday
Leadman Christopher Yager
Construction Matthew Berry
Art PA Jonathan Carnevale
Playback Operator JP Robelot for BoTown Sound
Visual Effects Gloo Studios
Motion Graphics Artist Bill Bergen
Assistant Motion Graphics Artist Pedro Mendoza
1st Assistant Camera Ian Jay
2nd Assistant Camera / DiT Brittany Barber
Gaffer Zack Savitz
Key Grip Chris Rauch
Best Boy Electric Tim Davis
Best Boy Grip Matt Rodgers
Electric Blake Engel
Grip Chris Rojas
Wardrobe PA Sara Kannberg
Seamstress Rosie Alvarez
Choreographer Kathryn Burns
Post Production Supervisor Evan Watkins
Post Production Coordinator Andrew Mallonee
Head Assistant Editor Phil Fox
Post Production Sound Mix Michael McAlister
Production Legal Karen Segall
Production Accountant Christine Rodriguez
1st Assistant Production Accountant Shay Parsons
2nd Assistant Production Accountant Rebecca Call
Set Photographer Robyn Von Swank
Set PA Devin Hassan
Intern Scott Gallopo
Intern Sara Reihani
The comical geniuses over at College Humor recently released a new short video that is capturing the attention of many across the internet due to its comedy, but even more so due to its factual backing. The 4 minute video takes us through the history of the engagement ring, a material good that so many of us now both associate and expect as a “symbol of love.” The video shows us how this now commonly accepted viewpoint was molded into all of us by nothing more than an advertising campaign by the diamond juggernaut De Beers. Check it out:
We’re being destroyed from within by a socialistic bureaucracy who’s overriding goal is its own survival at the cost of National Security, which as the historian Thomas Cahill asserts was one of the major reasons for the fall of the Roman Empire.
Throughout history, one of the ways in which the human spirit has overcome or dealt with the brutish forces of authoritarian regimes has been through the use of humor. As such, it is no surprise that clever Americans from sea to shining sea have figured out ways to mock the NSA while also making a dollar or two. One of these folks is Dan McCall, founder of politically themed T-shirt company Liberty Maniacs. Several days after the spy scandal erupted, Dan created a shirt that read NSA: The only part of the government that actually listens. See below:
Pretty hilarious right? Well, the NSA didn’t find it particularly funny and, in fact, according to the Daily Dot this is what happened:
“Within an hour or two,” as McCall told the Daily Dot, Zazzle emailed him to say the shirt had been removed from the Zazzle site. (Zazzle didn’t respond to the Daily Dot’s request for comment, nor did the NSA.
Zazzle’s first email, which McCall forwarded to the Daily Dot, said in part:
Unfortunately, it appears that your product, The NSA, contains content that is in conflict with one or more of our acceptable content guidelines.
We will be removing this product from the Zazzle Marketplace shortly. …
Result: Not Approved
Policy Notes: Design contains an image or text that may infringe on intellectual property rights. We have been contacted by the intellectual property right holder and we will be removing your product from Zazzle’s Marketplace due to infringement claims.
McCall, who says he’d worked with Zazzle for five years, asked for an explanation, but when the company responded June 11, the distributor didn’t share much more:
Unfortunately, it appears that your product, ” the nsa”, does not meet Zazzle Acceptable Content Guidelines. Specifically, your product contained content which infringes upon the intellectual property rights of National Security Agency.
We have been contacted by legal representatives from the National Security Agency, and at their request, have removed the product from the Zazzle Marketplace.
The NSA: Protecting Americans from terrorists, nuclear war and funny t-shirts since 1952.
Anyone remember ‘The Jetsons’ cartoon? This was not far from the truth – actually – it was the truth. A sad reality that we have yet to release humanity from this bondage…
Written by Giordano Nanni & Hugo Farrant
Welcome back, netizens, to this newest edition in
Juice media’s series of Rap News journalism with me, Robert Foster:
this evening we’re actively delving in depth
to facts which affect all of us who dwell on this internet and we’ve got to
give a special welcome to all the ladies and a-gents,
from the NSA, ASIO, MI5: glad you’re listening in;
Because today’s show is
all about surveillance and how it’s spreading from the streets into our modems
As we speak, laws are being tacitly written in
to implement ways of controlling the expanse of this internet,
to keep us safe, we’re told; but from whom?
And will this place ever be the same if these plans go through?
To find out, we connect with our first guest to comment on the matter
we’re live at the Pentopticon with General Baxter,
General – Son! – Good to have you back again with us
explain why the State is spying on us? – My Fellow Oceanians,
As you know, we’ve always been at war with Eurasia…
or is it Eastasia? Either way, it’s war ‘n we need division to wage it!
but now the proles are connecting online bypassing these
illusory divisions of race, religion and nationality…
– Sounds grand to me… – It’s a catastrophe!
Centuries of hard work are being undone, profits are vanishing
And it’s due to the internet, it’s empowering humanity
we need to get this SNAFU under control; rapidly.
– How? – Behold the latest weapon in the War of Terror
our greatest invention since nine eleven
guaranteed to keep us free and safe forever
i give you The Surveillance State, ladies and generals.
Our secret wires log your key style
monitor every single number on your speed dial
rewind straight to your position with facial recognition,
and pinpoint you within point oh-three of a mile!
we’ve put eyes everywhere without consulting you,
keeping you safe, whether or not you want us to.
Soon there’ll be no freedoms left for threatening.
Then we’ll have won the war! Take that Terrorism!
– Brilliant, thank you General, we now interview
Our resident guru, Terence Moonseed, for a different view
– Greetings. – How does this situation look?
– I have one word for you, Robert: doubleplusungood!
The world populace of seven point four billion are all heading in
the direction of Orwellian totalitarian oblivion
My voice is hoarse yelling about Stellar Winds cold chilling em
And TrapWire weaving through the world wide web we all dwelling in
Face it: the all-seeing eye’s in all of our Facebooks like a virus
and in these Eye-phones, with Siri, or should I say “Iris”.
And next in line is RFID devices and mind chips
triggered by Chemtrails the planes spray the sky with.
This time it’s too far: check out the base they’re building in Utah
where they’ll be storing all ya data for over a century; it’s Fubar!
And under the outback is an entire tunnel of wires,
an ECHELON base called Pine Gap, to hijack our Mother Gaia.
– Hey, maybe your mother’s gayer! – Boo hoo!
Why don’t you just kill yourself like most of your troops do!
– That’s it, now you’re on the Cast Iron list
– Hang on, General, why weren’t we informed about this?
– Sorry we didn’t tell you about our grand plan before,
it was meant to be a surprise, under wraps and in store.
But some spoilsports had to go and ruin it for all
by blowin’ whistles, in spite of the damn law.
– Bill Binney and Thomas Drake are Trailblazers for leaking these tactics…
– Hey, civil-liberty fagtivists… err, activists:
this is all legal: anything we do now actually is!
– How did… – You can’t question my authorit-ah, thanks to this.
– And that shit’s global, people! in Australia it’s now legal
for the government to store all SMS’s, searches and emails…
Australians, it’s taking place under your nose
unless you wake up, all your data are belong to ASIO.
– Come on! everyone knows: you can trust the government now
If you’ve got nothing to hide, you got nothing to worry about
– That might be the case with things that are happening now,
because most people agree with most of the laws that are being handed down.
But once the Illuminati reveal their agenda for you
this surveillance will enforce laws you no longer consent to,
but by then it’ll be too late to protest too
and anything you’ve ever said, typed or browsed can and will be used against you.
– I’m confused, so what should we do then?
– What should we do? Nothing! this is all an illusion,
It’s just a ride, a delusion, the matrix, the Maya deceiving us.
– Ah, you hippies really make our job so much easier…
– Sorry to interrupt but we’re picking up
a signal from beyond the space-time continuum
Quick, switch on the Juice Channelling Portal…..
…………….Wait……. is that…… George Orwell?!
– Good day to you – Wow …what do we owe this honour to?
– I tried to warn you noobs, but I see you are actually fools
or else you thought this was an instruction manual.
– Yes, ahem… so can you advise us? What would you have us do?
– An open and universal internet is the most effective tool you have
to address the issues that afflict the world at hand
therefore, protecting it is the most essential task that stands
before your generation – I think I understand… – hush, man
You must not lose the internet. Heed this mantra:
‘who controls the Internet, controls the data
and who controls the data, controls the future’
– We’re losing you – I leave you with a tool to use…
– An onion? – Don’t be simple, Robert, this is but a simile
It stands for ‘Tor’ – Tor? – Google it! It’s for anonimity:
this onion router open network helps considerably against tyrranny
But its abilities only work if all you f***kers use it consistently
and even if you don’t use it, run it so its force swells.
– Thanks, Mr. Orwell – From now on call me: George Torwell
if we’d had such tools when I wrote this, well
It would’ve been so much simpler to tell Big Brother to go f**k himself,
the motherf***king, c***-sucking piece of sh[…]
– Thanks, George Torwell, for manifesting direct from this
memory hole of history, to impress on us these messages.
We’re told we need safety; which is precious, yes,
but can a society that can enforce all its laws ever progress?
Hindsight shows that many figures guilty of “thought-crime”
turned out to be luminaries and heroes, before their time.
But if a surveillance state had reigned then in this form and design
Just think of all the progress we may’ve all been denied:
Could lobbies for women’s or gay rights have appeared and thrived
Would revolutionary ideals have materialised
Would science have pioneered or even survived,
If every word had been monitored by thought police and spies?
Big Brother brings chilling effects, freezing our collective hopes
he doesn’t protect our safety, but protects the status quo,
and threatens this internet, the one channel yet uncontrolled
whose openness we are now called upon to effect and uphold.
Juice Rap News: Episode 15 – Big Brother is WWWatching You. September 2012 rocks around with some crucial developments in the ongoing struggle over the future of the internet. Will it remain the one open frequency where humanity can bypass filters and barriers; or become the greatest spying machine ever imagined? The future is being decided as we type. Across Oceania, States have been erecting and installing measures to legalise the watching, tracking and storage of data of party-members and proles alike. If they proceed, will this place ever be the same? Join our plucky host Robert Foster as he conducts an incisive analysis of the situation at hand. Joining him are newly appointed Thought Police General at the Pentopticon, Darth O’Brien Baxter, and a surprisingly lucid Terence Winston Moonseed. Once again, in the midst of this Grand Human Experiment, we are forced to ask tough questions about our future. Will it involve a free internet which will continue to revolutionise the way the world communicates with itself? Or is our picture of the future a Boot stamping on this Human InterFace forever?
Written & created by Giordano Nanni & Hugo Farrant – on Wurundjeri Land in Melbourne, Australia.
– SUPPORT the creation of new episodes of Juice Rap News,
a show which relies on private donations: http://thejuicemedia.com/donate
– CREDITS:
* MAIN BEAT Produced by the Goat Beats http://www.thegoatbeats.com
* ORCHESTRATION & George-Orwell theme by Adrian Sergovich
* ARTWORK by Zoe Tame of http://visualtonic.com.au for images and website wizardry!
* EFFECTS & ANIMATIONS by Jonas Schweizer (See his work: http://www.indiegogo.com/CaribbeanNewcomer)
* PROPS: Thanks to Zoe Umlaut of Umlautronics for constructing the Juice Channeling Portal, worryingly close to spec. And to Gilles Gundermann for sourcing awesome Orwellian props.
* CAPTIONS: Merci to Koolfy from la Quadrature du Net, for creating English Captions.
* Thanks to Dave Abbott for technical advice; and deep gratitude to Lucy & Caitlin for all the ongoing support (and patience).
– TRANSLATIONS: If you would like to translate this episode into your language, please contact us via our website http://thejuicemedia.com/contact/ to obtain the SRT file.
* INTERNET ACTIVISM: We highly recommend checking out this great video-interview with Julian Assange (WikiLeaks), Jacob Appelbaum (Tor Project), Jeremie Zimmerman (La Quadrature du Net) and Andy Muller-Maguhn (Chaos Computer Club): assange.rt.com/cypherpunks-episode-eight-full-version-pt1
Rap News Episode 12: YES WE KONY. It’s March, and the Internet delivers 2012’s first globe-consuming meme: the unstoppable, Stop-Kony 2012 video, which has highlighted the plight of African child soldiering like never before. But is it really good? Is it really bad? Or is the world really more complex than ‘good guys’ and ‘bad guys’? Whatevers; one thing’s for sure, this is momentous: never had a 27-minute video devoid of both cats and boobs ever achieved such virality. Is this a demonstration of the internet’s ability to instantly inform and engage tens of millions; and a hopeful sign that there is a willingness among those millions, to engage passionately with something more meaningful? Or does Kony2012 just mark the dawn of a rapacious new era of viral humanitarian marketing? Join your charitable host Robert Foster – and our special guest, General Baxter, direct from AFRICOM – as we delve into the dark heart of the matter.
Special thanks go out to Matthieu Lay for acting the role of ‘Gavin’; Lucy for awesome shoot assistance and Gavin voice-over; Nick & Trav for technical assistance; Koolfy & Siltaar for creating English captions .
TRANSLATIONS: Thanks to Tamara for Serbian translation; Thanks to an anonymous member for Italian translation; Thanks to Max @ http://www.big-picture.info for German subtitles; Sergio and Pablo (http://www.twitter.com/unpablosanchez) for Spanish translation; Jonas Maebe for Dutch translation; Euclides for Portuguese translation; Julie for French translation; Artiom for Russian translation;
If you would like to translate this episode into your language, please contact us first via our website: http://thejuicemedia.com/contact
Is the USA still #1? Well, there are many things that America is still the best in the world at, but unfortunately a lot of those categories are nothing to be proud of. Once upon a time the United States was the greatest nation on earth, but now we are a nation that is in a horrific state of decline.
Just consider a few of the embarrassing things that America leads the world in: obesity, crime, divorce, teen pregnancy, child abuse deaths and government debt. The statistics that you are about to read below are incredibly disturbing. Most people that write these kinds of articles about the decline of America hate this country. But that is not the case with me. I was born and raised in America and I love this nation deeply. It is time to realize that we will never be able to start fixing our problems until we take a really good look in the mirror and realize just how far we have fallen. America is not the country that it once was. America is a complete and total mess and just “tweaking” a few things here and there is not going to return this nation to its former glory. We have forgotten the things that once made us great, and if we do not return to them we will continue to fall apart as a nation.
With that being said, the following are 40 embarrassing things that America is the best in the world at….
#32 The United States has the most laws on the entire planet.
#33 The United States spends more on the military than the next 12 nations combined, and yet the Obama administration is considering plans to unilaterally slash the size of the U.S. nuclear arsenal by up to 80 percent.
#34 The United States has the most foreign military bases in the world by far.
#35 The United States exports more arms to other countries than anyone else in the world.
#36 Americans spend more time sitting in traffic than anyone else in the world.
#37 Americans spend more money on elections than anyone else does in the world by a very wide margin.
#39 The U.S. government wastes more money than any other government on earth does.
#40 The United States has accumulated the biggest mountain of government debt in the history of the world.
So is the USA #1?
Unfortunately, the answer way too often is yes.
The goal of this list of embarrassing things is not to trash America.
Rather, the goal is to wake Americans up and to get them to realize what has happened to us.
We should be deeply humbled and embarrassed as a nation. We were once the best in the world and the envy of the entire globe, but now the whole world is laughing at us.
America is supposed to be a beacon of liberty, freedom and prosperity for the entire planet.
Instead, we are rapidly turning into a horror show.
Wake up America. The condition of our country is absolutely shameful, and every single day it gets even worse.
Please share this list with as many people as you can. The American people need a massive wake up call, and it is up to those of us that are awake to share the truth while we still can.
Barack Obama at 6 Years Old after making his first paper airplane, flying it over a part of town where he’s never been before, and being disappointed that it didn’t kill a bunch of people he didn’t know.
Juice Rap News: Episode XIII – A NEWS HOPE. It is a time of corporate war; deprived of a reliable media the people of Planet Earth are kept misinformed and in a state of perpetual conflict. Is an honest Fourth Estate the only Force than can restore peace and balance to the Galaxy? To find out, we consult two of journalism’s most influential and inflammatory figures: Rebel journalist enfant terrible, Julian Assange, who awaits a verdict in London which could see him ‘extradited’ to Sweden. And on the opposite end of the journalistic spectrum: Rupert Murdoch, head of the mighty NewsCorp media Empire, embroiled in legal scandals that go to the highest and lowest levels of celebrity in Britain. In the manichean manner of some ancient laser sword and forcery epic, join the wisest news-anchor in the Galaxy, Robert Foster, as he attempts to wrangle these two figures together for a rap-debate. Will the light or the dark side prevail – and is it really that easy to know which is which? How many Bothans died to bring us this information? Is the Force Estate with Robert? Will we see THE RETURN OF THE JOURNALI before the EMPIRE EXTRADITES BACK? For answers to all these questions and more, pull down your blast shields, switch off your on-board computer and feel the Force, in this latest episode of Juice Rap News… or click play.
SUPPORT the creation of new episodes of Juice Rap News – a show which relies on private donations: http://thejuicemedia.com/donate
CREDITS:
– ARTWORK by Zoe Tame http://visualtonic.com.au
– ORIGINAL MUSIC: Main Beat: “The Golden Era” – by The GOAT, ILL Beat Constructor: http://www.thegoatbeats.com
– ORIGINAL RAP-WARS theme music composed by Adrian Sergovich.
– VIDEO: Special thanks to Jonas Schweizer in Germany for creating the animated intro and RapWars special FX. (ATM he’s working on an awesome new documentary project: http://www.indiegogo.com/CaribbeanNewcomer)
– Many thanks to the following humans for lending their time and talent to the making of this episode: Ellen (Brianna Manning and SwededTrooper_1) and Zoe (SwedeTrooper_2); Lucy for voiceovers (Admiral Gillard, Manning & SwedeTroopers); Rosie Dunlop for make-up magick; Dave Abbott for technical & video advice. And finally, to Kristinn Hrafnsson of WikiLeaks for his debut kameo.
CAPTIONS: Thanks Koolfy & Siltaar at La Quadrature du Net for English captions.
TRANSLATIONS: Thanks to Euclides for Portuguese translation :)
**If you would like to translate this episode into your language, please contact us first via: http://thejuicemedia.com/contact**
TRANSCRIPT: On the morning of September 11, 2001, 19 men armed with boxcutters directed by a man on dialysis in a cave fortress halfway around the world using a satellite phone and a laptop directed the most sophisticated penetration of the most heavily-defended airspace in the world, overpowering the passengers and the military combat-trained pilots on 4 commercial aircraft before flying those planes wildly off course for over an hour without being molested by a single fighter interceptor.
These 19 hijackers, devout religious fundamentalists who liked to drink alcohol, snort cocaine, and live with pink-haired strippers, managed to knock down 3 buildings with 2 planes in New York, while in Washington a pilot who couldn’t handle a single engine Cessna was able to fly a 757 in an 8,000 foot descending 270 degree corskscrew turn to come exactly level with the ground, hitting the Pentagon in the budget analyst office where DoD staffers were working on the mystery of the 2.3 trillion dollars that Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld had announced “missing” from the Pentagon’s coffers in a press conference the day before, on September 10, 2001.
The DIA destroyed 2.5 TB of data on Able Danger, but that’s OK because it probably wasn’t important.
The SEC destroyed their records on the investigation into the insider trading before the attacks, but that’s OK because destroying the records of the largest investigation in SEC history is just part of routine record keeping.
NIST has classified the data that they used for their model of WTC7′s collapse, but that’s OK because knowing how they made their model of that collapse would “jeopardize public safety“.
The FBI has argued that all material related to their investigation of 9/11 should be kept secret from the public, but that’s OK because the FBI probably has nothing to hide.
This man never existed, nor is anything he had to say worthy of your attention, and if you say otherwise you are a paranoid conspiracy theorist and deserve to be shunned by all of humanity. Likewise him, him, him, and her. (and her and her and him).
Osama Bin Laden lived in a cave fortress in the hills of Afghanistan, but somehow got away. Then he was hiding out in Tora Bora but somehow got away. Then he lived in Abottabad for years, taunting the most comprehensive intelligence dragnet employing the most sophisticated technology in the history of the world for 10 years, releasing video after video with complete impunity (and getting younger and younger as he did so), before finally being found in a daring SEAL team raid which wasn’t recorded on video, in which he didn’t resist or use his wife as a human shield, and in which these crack special forces operatives panicked and killed this unarmed man, supposedly the best source of intelligence about those dastardly terrorists on the planet. Then they dumped his body in the ocean before telling anyone about it. Then a couple dozen of that team’s members died in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan.
If you have any questions about this story…you are a batshit, paranoid, tinfoil, dog-abusing baby-hater and will be reviled by everyone. If you love your country and/or freedom, happiness, rainbows, rock and roll, puppy dogs, apple pie and your grandma, you will never ever express doubts about any part of this story to anyone. Ever.
An inquisitive alien visits the planet to check on our progress as a species, and gets into a conversation with the first person he meets. The alien discovers that we live under the rule of a thing called “government”, and wants to understand more about what “government” is, what it does, and why it exists.
Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s
You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you all the milk you need.
Bureaucratic Socialism: Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
Real World Communism: You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most “ability” and who has the most “need”. Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
Perestroika: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the “free” market.
Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Militarianism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
British Democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps’ brains and they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Pure Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
Pure Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Capitalism: You don’t have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don’t have any cows to put up as collateral.
Enviromentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
Political Correctness: You are associated with (the concept of “ownership” is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently – aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to
Have you herd about the Sheeple Quiz? Although most NaturalNews readers will easily beat it, it’s a fun quiz to find out how smart (or gullible) your friends really are. So let ‘em take the Sheeple Quiz! And then you’ll know whether they’re independent thinkers or just zombie-minded sheeple like the rest of the flock.
Here’s the quiz. Choose “A” or “B” as the answer for each question, then check your score below.
The Sheeple Quiz
#1) The purpose of the mainstream media is to:
A) Keep you informed.
B) Feed you misinformation while keeping you distracted from the real issues our world is facing.
#2) Social Security is:
A) A financial safety net that makes sure people have a retirement income.
B) A government-run Ponzi scheme that requires more and more people to keep paying in just to stay afloat and will ultimately collapse into total bankruptcy.
#3) The fluoride dripped into municipal water supplies is:
A) A naturally-occurring mineral.
B) An industrial chemical waste byproduct.
#4) When you donate money to find the cure for cancer, that money goes:
A) To fund research programs that assess actual cancer cures for the purpose of freely sharing them with the public.
B) To fund mammogram campaigns that actually irradiate women’s breasts, causing the very cancers that earn huge profits for the cancer treatment industry.
#5) The national debt is:
A) Under control and will be paid off in a few years.
B) Out of control and will spiral into a runaway debt collapse.
#6) GMOs will:
A) Feed the world and prevent starvation.
B) Threaten the future of life on our planet through genetic contamination and widespread crop failures.
#7) The FDA protects:
A) The people from dangerous medicines.
B) The financial interests of the drug companies.
#8) The EPA’s real agenda is to:
A) Protect the environment.
B) Protect the financial interests of the chemical companies whose toxic products destroy the environment.
#9) The Federal Reserve functions to:
A) Stabilize the economy and keep America strong.
B) Loot the economy and control America’s economy for the interests of the few.
#10) The purpose of TSA checkpoints at airports is to:
A) Keep air passengers safe and secure.
B) Indoctrinate Americans into surrendering to police state invasions of their privacy.
#11) The practical function of the U.S. Supreme Court is to:
A) Protect the constitutional rights of the citizens.
B) Legitimize federal tyranny over the People by ignoring the Constitution and its Bill of Rights.
#12) Vaccines are based on:
A) Gold standard science that conclusively proves their safety and effectiveness.
B) Quackery and fraud combined with a persistent medical mythology that utterly lacks a factual basis.
#13) Herbs and superfoods:
A) Are medically useless and cannot treat, prevent or cure any disease.
B) Contain powerful plant-based medicines that can help reverse and prevent disease.
#14) In Libya, Afghanistan and Iraq, America:
A) Led a humanitarian effort to save innocent people from tyranny.
B) Waged an illegal imperialist war to occupy foreign nations and control their oil.
#15) The U.S. Bill of Rights
A) Grants you rights and freedoms.
B) Merely acknowledges the rights and freedoms you already possess.
Score your Sheeple Quiz
To score your Sheeple Quiz, simply count the number of times you answered “A” to the questions above.
If you answered “A” 10 times or more…
You are a total news-watching, gullible fairytale swallowing Sheeple! Be sure to keep taking those medications and watching more network news. Don’t bother thinking for yourself because you seem to be incapable of accomplishing that.
If you answered “A” fewer than 10 times…
You are sadly Sheeple-minded but there is hope for your rescue. Learn more about the world around you and train yourself to think critically so you can depart from the herd mentality.
If you answered “A” fewer than 5 times…
You are an unusually intelligent free-minded thinker who questions the world around you and doesn’t buy into the usual propaganda. You still got suckered on a few items, so there’s more yet to learn. But you’re on the right track!
If you answered “A” exactly zero times…
You are the complete opposite of a Sheeple. You’re independent minded, well informed and probably a regular reader of NaturalNews.com. Stay on track and question events in the world around you. Eat more superfoods to maintain your healthy immune system and cognitive function. Avoid the toxic chemicals in foods, medicines and lawn care products. Keep reading the alternative press and voice your intelligent views to others willing to listen. (But don’t waste your time on those who aren’t.)
Thank you for taking the Sheeple quiz here on NaturalNews.
In 1910, French artist Villemard produced a series of illustrations depicting what life might be like in the year 2000. Yeah, he pretty much nailed it.